just some thoughts. escaping the strictly Ghana-theme for this post.

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"One is not born into the world to do everything, but to do SOMETHING."

This quote is from Thoreau (Oh dadda, aren't you proud?) and I came across it mid-senior year.
It just spoke to me, and this quote has stuck with me ever since. I don't think I'm special and the words jumped off the page and began dancing, but I really think I was meant to read these words and meditate on them, especially at that time in my life.

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Those of you that know me well enough know that I'm always the person who wants to do everything. My parents will be the first to tell you that I was the kid that always wanted to TRY everything; and I was blessed enough to have awesome parents that supported me in each endeavor.
Why am I saying was? They still do! They continue to be awesome :)
From basketball or ballet to horseback riding and sewing, pole vaulting to drama interp... I've always prided myself on having a finger in different pots, learning different things, and standing out in someway. Leading a meeting, cultivating new traditions, or being one of few to participate in a certain activity has always enlightened me. I'm not doing it just to be different-- to assert my own identity (middle-child syndrome?)-- I just like being mixed up, just like my ancestral roots, I guess. Why shouldn't a bi- even multi-racial human be interested in heaps of different things?

So I'm ranting again, back to my point: at the time I first read the quote, I wanted to ignore it, just like I wanted to ignore my parents and Mrs. Keller, Mrs. Meyers, and Mrs. Armijo all through high school when they'd pull me aside and remind me not to stretch myself to far. To just focus on a few things and be the BEST at those few, not striving and hardly ever reaching the top in 40 different activities.
"Emmy, you need to slow down."
"Be selfish for once, it's okay. Focus on yourself."
...
"Learn to just say NO."
Looking back, it could have been "No, I can't host a meeting that day after-school, I have practice and then a test the following morning." -- doing something that would benefit only me.
Eventually I did have enough of picking up after other people and tying up loose ends, spearheading my own efforts for others and making sure each assembly or event was better than the last so EVERYONE would enjoy it. That time came in March when I couldn't handle saying yes all the time and no to myself, so I decided to say No to myself one last time.
Moving back to San Francisco, it was weird... pretty much all about me and just family. SF friends had no ties to any of my loved friends in Colorado... everything was disconnected by different relationships and thousands of miles. But I was happier being able to flop on the couch at night, comforted by the fact that mom's lap would be there, and ideal spot to lay my head, legs covered in soft pajamas and the security of having dad comfortably posted on the area rug, just a few feet from us.

When I decided to go for the whole "gap-semester" abroad experience... I decided not to travel throughout Europe spending my summer-job and graduation money on souvenirs and clothes for the spring semester (I'll save that for maybe a post-undergrad experience ;)
but I chose to volunteer, to see more of what it would be like to help others. Not by raising funds and sending money through an organization (as we've done before), or cooking for a local shelter then going home and sleeping in my comfy, squishy bed waiting ...
but to really volunteer in a foreign environment with complete strangers, looking into the bright eyes and smiling faces of hopeful students. Everyday being greeted with a enthusiastic "GOOD MORNING Madame!" of more than 20 kids. Praising five different 2 year olds on their scribbling ability more than 5x each within 1/2 an hour. Teaching a 6 year old boy how to spell and write his name for the first time. Holding the dry, wrinkled hand of an older woman while she sits in her wheelchair watching generations of her offspring walk and play around her.
I've come to Africa to be a part of the culture. To live here, to learn. No matter how short the amount of time, I'm doing my best to immerse myself in the daily lives of the locals. Fetching water by bucket from the tank to bathe, wondering why I always try and flush the toilet, just to see if mayyyyyybe it'll work today. Sweeping the floor of my room with straw tied with a string. Running in an attempt to escape the rain and jumping into the closest trotro that has stopped- only to discover that the roof inside the tro is leaking... more like pouring.
I'm living in the capital city of Ghana in west Africa for 2 months. I'm along the prime meridian, between the tropic of cancer and the equator. I spend my days covered in dirt from the feet of 1-2-3- and 4 year olds. laughing every minute of it. I sit outside at night with Prince listening to music from a drinking bar across the dirt lane, feeling the breeze from the Atlantic ocean sweep over Accra and sway the banana and palm trees, rustling my short curly hair and reminding me of the cool SF winds along ocean beach. In Africa I'm Sister Emily or Teacher Amalee. Here I never have to worry about not being able to impress teachers, or complete assignments and read boring books in a few nights. I have just enough freedom and more than enough will to complete every assignment I can think of. I'm back to reading books that actually interest me in my downtime. HERE I don't ever have attempt to say NO. i just want to give and give and give and give and give until I'm physically drained and have no money and then I want to keep giving and keep saying yes until everything is accomplished. I want to always say "Of course you can color, Bilal, as soon as you finish this addition. Yes, Kofi... I think four more chairs would make the classroom much more comfortable. It's SO nice to focus on one project... but encapsulated into this ONE project are 10 different opportunities to paint or build, 30 different developing personalities, and a countless number of growth and improvements to be made. But it's all for one cause- and that's to help. To leave a lasting impression with just one or two students, to make a difference in their lives, and to leave knowing I taught and that I learned. That's my goal here- and only in my 3rd week, it's already attainable each day, but I've realized I didn't come here to do EVERYTHING... I just have to make sure when I leave here I have done something.
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Mostly I love being able to say YES, help others and know that they're helping me.
These beautiful, loving, accepting, praising people are helping me find the Emily that somehow went missing last year.
I'm finding her again, and I couldn't be happier.

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Tonight I'll go to bed under the security of my mosquito net and find calm after a few prayers.
...
Tomorrow I'll wake up and open the doors of the classroom to screaming, maybe some crying, and definitely the laughing of a bunch of 1-7 year olds. The thought of all this put a smile on my face, because it means I'll get to scream with them. I'll get to be comforting and wipe a few tears, and I'll get to share their laughter.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough....

p.s.-
I miss my mom's cooking, hanging around her in the kitchen or while she's on the computer just to talk:) and the sound of dad's annoying motorcycle and shouting "Little BUBBA!" I miss arguing with Lil then spending the day together. I miss texting Lex until one of us gets annoyed and finally calls the other. I miss hearing Christian's stories and the pitter-patter of alex's feet, then his giggle as he crashes his head into one of our laps. I miss my auntie jody, uncle tim and the boys of that family who are always there for me. I miss Gramma and being able to bother her with any problem and know I'm guaranteed a solution the next day. I miss sharing everything with Devon Charlie and chatting with Ash or Brandy until we fall asleep. I miss my surrogate family the Alf's and my pseudo-sisters :)
But if I wasn't missing each of these that make me who I am, then I would be worried, and you definitely don't have any reason to be!
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Know I'm safe and coming home to you much more worldly,
excited about life,
and happier than before.